So, this is what it feels like to let go...I am not a wise person, I never claimed that I was even remotely close to being in the vicinity of the same neighbourhood as wisdom, but I guess, with continuous experiences, we all get some bit of that mandatory wisdom quota the almighty has reserved individually for us all. So, now I am getting mine.
Whoever said that holding on was difficult, obviously never had to let go. I did today, finally, and I am just not me anymore. The world hasn't come to a standstill, but right at this moment, my world is still and while i am inhaling alright, it's hard to say if I am exhaling at all. It feels like I
was continuously running on a non-stop treadmill, just running at the same spot without covering any ground and wishing that it would stop and I would get some rest. Now, that it has stopped, I miss it already because my body is conditioned to continuous running.
They say the first step is the most difficult, then how come every subsequent step hurts just a little bit more than the last. It's like walking on thorns, you may get used to the pain, but you will feel it with every prick and you won't ever start liking what that feels like.
Love is a difficult emotion and personally, I have never been able to comprehend the complexity of it. While life goes on otherwise, love just chains it to stay right where it is, stuck in oblivion forever. To think of it, one shouldn't even expect anything much from an emotion whose entire being rests on the very negative action of 'falling into'. It's like saying although I fell in a septic tank, I didn't expect I'd get so filthy. So, then why do we so desperately want to hold on to such a thing? Perhaps it is because life goes on for years and years while only a few emotions are relatively permanent, among which, love is the elusive, mysterious powerful one, we hope would put an end to all our miseries and open our eyes to a world of pure happiness. It's the unknown and people harbour either fear or awe for the unknown. What comes to us easily is not valued and what makes us struggle to get our hands around it is held in highest esteem. What can I say, the heart wants what it wants.
The worst part is when what we believe is love, gets over...people who share their lives suddenly become strangers in minutes. One day you are looking at your future in the eyes of a person and the second day you cannot even face him or her. It's sad how everything reduces from flames to ashes to nothing but dust.
I keep hearing that life seldom gives us a second chance. I feel, however, that life is all about choices and chances. If you choose to hang on to a building which is on fire, then you have chosen to put your life in jeopardy rather than let go and be safe. Until you let go, you wouldn't know for sure if you will live to see another day. If you do hang on and survive after the building collapses, that is your second chance and a chance is a chance even if you have lost a limb in the process. Contrary to popular belief, time and tide wait for every man, rather repeat themselves everyday so that all of us can work around them.
So, was I in love, I don't think so, but was I hoping and believing that I was, perhaps. But now, I am waiting for the time I had lost to come back tomorrow so I can get on the high tide like before. As I let go of my building on fire, I take this as life's second chance to me, a chance to make amends and a chance to not fall again. If you repeat your mistakes once, twice or thrice, they are still mistakes, beyond that they become stupidity, followed by habit and disease. I am still at the making mistakes stage and would like to stay here just a bit longer.
No comments:
Post a Comment